the island
[[the_island]] last edit on
Mar 15, 2009
12:02 AM
by Anonymous
Continuing Come Clean's apparent obsession with reviewing films here's the latest film from Pearl Harbo("u" -Ed)r director Michael Bay. Pearl Harbo("u" - Ed)r the film that is and not for instance the actual event. He'd be quite old if that was the case. And probably Japanese too. I doubt he'd be called Michael Bay either. Something more like Shiro Nagamichi is more likely. But I digress. Pearl Harbo("u" - Ed)r the film was rubbish. This one is too.
But why exactly is it rubbish? That ever important question. Well firstly it's like a really big advert. No sooner has the film started than we're being subjected to a close up of the Puma shoes company logo on the back of Ewen McGregor's trainers. Not long after we have a virtual reality training/recreation area with some huge Xbox logos presented to us quite clearly. After an escape from this colony thing we have several adverts for Bud Light. Ewen and Scarlet escape from a confrontation on AMTRAK trains, they get into a city and use an MSN Search box to find information. Was that before they stop to look at a Calvin Klein advert which features Scarlet? I can't remember now. There's a prolonged close up of a bottle of Aquafina sat on a table. I could go on but I would need longer than I have right now.
Okay so second problem is that besides the plot being rather silly and unoriginal (many films are guilty of this), the first half of the film is rather poor dialogue and the second half is a very long chase sequence with a lot of explosions.
Third problem is the film's apparent sexism. Women are only useful for making babies and spending your money it seems. They also have to obey men. Nice attitude to have these days, eh?
Basically the film is quite utterly terrible and rates as one of the worst I have ever seen. It does rank up along there with the likes of Boogie Nights and Star Wars Episodes 1,2+3. Really there's no reason to ever watch this film unless you're absolutely obsessed with Ewen or Scarlet. Even then you'd probably have a hard time sitting through all of this rubbish.
1/10 - £0 (look don't even bother when it's on TV, you've got better things to be doing)
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But why exactly is it rubbish? That ever important question. Well firstly it's like a really big advert. No sooner has the film started than we're being subjected to a close up of the Puma shoes company logo on the back of Ewen McGregor's trainers. Not long after we have a virtual reality training/recreation area with some huge Xbox logos presented to us quite clearly. After an escape from this colony thing we have several adverts for Bud Light. Ewen and Scarlet escape from a confrontation on AMTRAK trains, they get into a city and use an MSN Search box to find information. Was that before they stop to look at a Calvin Klein advert which features Scarlet? I can't remember now. There's a prolonged close up of a bottle of Aquafina sat on a table. I could go on but I would need longer than I have right now.
Okay so second problem is that besides the plot being rather silly and unoriginal (many films are guilty of this), the first half of the film is rather poor dialogue and the second half is a very long chase sequence with a lot of explosions.
Third problem is the film's apparent sexism. Women are only useful for making babies and spending your money it seems. They also have to obey men. Nice attitude to have these days, eh?
Basically the film is quite utterly terrible and rates as one of the worst I have ever seen. It does rank up along there with the likes of Boogie Nights and Star Wars Episodes 1,2+3. Really there's no reason to ever watch this film unless you're absolutely obsessed with Ewen or Scarlet. Even then you'd probably have a hard time sitting through all of this rubbish.
1/10 - £0 (look don't even bother when it's on TV, you've got better things to be doing)
back to film reviews