jak trilogy
[[jak_trilogy]] last edit on
Sep 22, 2006
1:06 AM
by Anonymous
The Jak trilogy isn't really a trilogy in the first place, except for how it is. Videogames are complicated, complicated things.
It is basically about a nice young man named Jak. Jak goes on a grand ol' adventure with his best friend Daxter, who suffers from stunted growth and severe hair-issues. They fight evil bad guys who want to destroy the world and save the day. All is well!
Then they sorta poke where they shouldn't have poked, unleash a horde of ravenous flesh-eating CYBORG REPTILE-BUGS, which are infinitely more bad-ass than ordinary cyborg bugs because they have tails and forked tongues. Sweet innocent wide-eyed Jak is hauled off to prison for jaywalking, and Daxter promises to get him out. Daxter then spends two years boozing it up in bars and crushing bugs. Ain't he a pal? Jak is then totally not abused in prison. Oh no, he's just a young, pretty boy surrounded by criminal lowlifes with no compulsions against killing or other immoral behaviour. Despite this he was not abused. NOT AT ALL. If you say he was he will shoot you in the crotch, then punch you in the crotch, then rip your balls off. NO PROBLEMS AT ALL WHAT-SO-EVER.
Anyhow Daxter eventually frees Jak (who is NOT a nice young man anymore), and they go around killing things. Or get killed because fuck, is Jak 2 hard. You know it's time to start taking a game about elves seriously when they singlehandedly storm a fortress filled with hundreds of guards armed with rocket launchers. ALL OF THEM.
And to make a long story short... Jak saves the day, blows up Alien Leader, gets thrown out in to the desert to die because people are ungrateful bitches, meets his daddy who forces him to kill in order to be accepted into his group of Mad Max-cosplayers, then meets this weird androgynous monk who tells him the world's going bye-bye and he can't do Jak (Ha ha, ha ha, haaaa...). Jak tells people to fuck off, then saves the world from flesh-eating aliens, crazy AI-robots, a tribe of hostile gimps and WORLD-EATING aliens. Creepy androgynous monk macks on Daxter, Jak's daddy dies without ever knowing Jak was his son and Jak makes a sad-face. This bald guy who's Arkham from Devil May Cry 3's AU-twin with elf ears fucks Jak's shit up. Eventually, people get a sorta happy ending which is horribly vague and can utterly destroy canon as I know it.
Then Jak races cars and angsts and get's Daxter to stop cock-blocking him for once. Way X-treme. The rat gets another videogame, but it's for a portable console and thus not worth bothering with.
It is basically about a nice young man named Jak. Jak goes on a grand ol' adventure with his best friend Daxter, who suffers from stunted growth and severe hair-issues. They fight evil bad guys who want to destroy the world and save the day. All is well!
Then they sorta poke where they shouldn't have poked, unleash a horde of ravenous flesh-eating CYBORG REPTILE-BUGS, which are infinitely more bad-ass than ordinary cyborg bugs because they have tails and forked tongues. Sweet innocent wide-eyed Jak is hauled off to prison for jaywalking, and Daxter promises to get him out. Daxter then spends two years boozing it up in bars and crushing bugs. Ain't he a pal? Jak is then totally not abused in prison. Oh no, he's just a young, pretty boy surrounded by criminal lowlifes with no compulsions against killing or other immoral behaviour. Despite this he was not abused. NOT AT ALL. If you say he was he will shoot you in the crotch, then punch you in the crotch, then rip your balls off. NO PROBLEMS AT ALL WHAT-SO-EVER.
Anyhow Daxter eventually frees Jak (who is NOT a nice young man anymore), and they go around killing things. Or get killed because fuck, is Jak 2 hard. You know it's time to start taking a game about elves seriously when they singlehandedly storm a fortress filled with hundreds of guards armed with rocket launchers. ALL OF THEM.
And to make a long story short... Jak saves the day, blows up Alien Leader, gets thrown out in to the desert to die because people are ungrateful bitches, meets his daddy who forces him to kill in order to be accepted into his group of Mad Max-cosplayers, then meets this weird androgynous monk who tells him the world's going bye-bye and he can't do Jak (Ha ha, ha ha, haaaa...). Jak tells people to fuck off, then saves the world from flesh-eating aliens, crazy AI-robots, a tribe of hostile gimps and WORLD-EATING aliens. Creepy androgynous monk macks on Daxter, Jak's daddy dies without ever knowing Jak was his son and Jak makes a sad-face. This bald guy who's Arkham from Devil May Cry 3's AU-twin with elf ears fucks Jak's shit up. Eventually, people get a sorta happy ending which is horribly vague and can utterly destroy canon as I know it.
Then Jak races cars and angsts and get's Daxter to stop cock-blocking him for once. Way X-treme. The rat gets another videogame, but it's for a portable console and thus not worth bothering with.